Wednesday, 27 January 2010

The Abyss

Can I be honest with you? I feel like I'm staring into a huge abyss. I've just paid the Tax Man - I'm broke. I did quite well last year but things have changed and my lifeline is gone - the job I used to do has come to an end. 'Things are great, things are looking up, there are irons in the fire.' It's all bullshit cos I'm scared, tired and broke. Everyday I search online at various websites for work in my field. My field is tough though - I'm sure everyone will say the same about their own industry - but mine is tough. I'm trying to become someone in an industry where black women are non-existent in mainstream TV, unless they are singers, actresses or sportswomen. I'm trying to be someone who has authority  (and I admit I'm not on as high an intellectual or rapier wit-like plain of Stephen Fry) but I have something. I am a professional I'm a journalist, with good programme ideas and the tenacity and experience to handle any given situation. But it's a massive fight to get heard in this sea. And I'm drowning. Today I feel I should stop trying to swim and just drown. I feel I should just give up, let the water rush over me and breathe into it. Should I?

1 comment:

  1. By no means should you give up! I don't have a short answer for you on how to find the job you want, but you won't find it if you give up.